One Liners

"640K ought to be enough for anybody." Bill Gates '81
186,000 miles/sec: Not just a good idea, it's the LAW.
2 + 2 = 5 for sufficiently large values of 2.
43% of all statistics are worthless.
A camel is a horse planned by committee.
A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.
A computer's attention span is as long as its' power cord.
A critic is a man who leaves no turn unstoned.
A day without sun shine is like night.
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
aibohphobia, {n} The fear of palindromes.
All computers wait at the same speed.
All generalizations are bad.
All rules have exceptions - except the ones that don't.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Bad command or file name.  You have 2 wishes left.
Blessed are the censors, for they shall inhibit the Earth.
Bugs are Sons of Glitches!
Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise...
Castration takes balls.
Celebacy is NOT hereditary.
Change is inevitable. Except from a vending machine.
Chernobyl used MACs.
Cleanliness is next to impossible.
Climate is what you expect.  Weather is what you get.
Clones are people two.
COINCIDENCE happens.
Come back when you're finished evolving.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
CONGRESS.SYS corrupted.  Re-boot Washington D.C.? (Y/n)
Crime does not pay... as well as politics.
Damn the torpedoes!  Full speed ahead!
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Did you expect mere proof to sway my opinion?
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Don't just do something! Stand there!
Don't let school interfere with your education.
Don't put off until tomorrow what you can put off until the day after tomorrow...
Don't steal - the government hates competition.
Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Eschew obfuscation.
Evangelists do more than lay people.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
File not found.  Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Find your aim in life, before you run out of ammunition.
Fire at will!  Oh, it's you Bob.  Fire at Bob!
For a good time... Press Reload.
Good will never triumph over evil, because good is dumb! (Spaceballs)
God is love...  Love is blind...  Ray Charles is God!
Grass is nature's way of saying "High!"
Hard work must have killed someone!
Have cursor, will curse.
Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?
Have you ever noticed how nothing is impossible for those who don't have to do it?
Helmet Laws interfere with natural selection.
Help stamp out and abolish redundancy.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
How come there's only one Monopolies Commission?
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
How do you know when it is time to tune your bagpipes?
How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
I came into this world fat and bald and I intend to go out the same way.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
I tried to be apathetic but I couldn't commit.
I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure.
I was arrested for walking in someone else's sleep.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect.
If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
If love is blind, lingerie makes great braille.
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
If you can't see the bright side, polish the dull side.
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
In case of fire, yell "FIRE!"
Infants don't enjoy infancy like adults do adultery.
Inferiority complex: conviction by a jury of your fears.
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
It's hard to RTFM when you can't find the FM...
Jesus saves, passes to Moses; shoots, SCORES!
Kamikaze Pilot Wanted: Experienced only need apply.
Life - a massive shared delusion
MACINTOSH - Machine Always Crashes, If Not The Operating System Hangs
Make like a shepherd and get the flock out of here.
Microbiology Lab: Staph Only!
Money is the root of all wealth.
My inferiority complexes aren't as good as yours.
My reality check just bounced.
Never ascribe to malice what can be ascribed to incompetence
Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
Of all the people I've met you're certainly one of them.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Open Mouth. Insert Foot. Chew Carefully.
Oxymoron: Country Music.
Peace through superior firepower.
Pizza IS the four food groups!
Pray to the God of Partial Credit.
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
Quality Control?  You mean it might get out of hand?
Revolution is the opiate of the intellectuals.
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
Semi-vegetarian - I only eat animals that died in their sleep.
Shin - a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Socialism is the equal distribution of poverty.
Solid, liquid and gas - The three states of a burrito.
Southern DOS:  Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
Strike any user to continue.
The large print giveth and the small print taketh away.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
The weather is here.  Wish you were beautiful...
There must be a God - who pops up the next Kleenex?
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
To err is human, to forgive... $5.00
Too poor to be capitalist, too rich to be communist.
Washington D.C. - A work-free drug place!
What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
What's another word for synonym?
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
Who cares about reality, anyway?
Why are there floatation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are there interstates in Hawaii?
Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together?
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why do they call it a 'building'? If they're finished, why isn't it a 'built'?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injection?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
WINDOWS - Wholly Inadequate Needless Damned Outrageous Waste of Space
Windows: Just another pane in the glass.
With friends like these... who needs enemies?
You can find out a lot about paranoids just by following them around.
You do know what a leading question is, don't you?
You really should get out more...
Zen T-Shirt: Enlightenment Available - Enquire Within